I tried my best to remain calm as we made our way to the restaurant of choice, and thankfully the wait wasn’t too long. Fed and watered, we had a bit of a wander, ride on the train (it had the shortest line!) and a whiz round Pinocchio ride. No Space Mountain or Splash Mountain for us.

I thought it amusing that in a place that claims to be the Happiest Place on Earth, there were an awful lot of people looking very miserable. Families bickered, kids whined and motorized scooters barged through the crowds. Nice.

Why the hold up anyway? Apparently California DMV need to verify my eligibility to reside in the United States before they can issue the card. The fact that I showed them my green card when I applied for my license is apparently neither here nor there. Nope, they need further proof. Where this proof is coming from is anyone’s guess but it’s certainly taking some time.

In this day and age you’d think that one government agency could run a check on someone’s status with another agency at the touch of a button, right? Yeah, well this is the modern United States so no, no you can’t.

I was given a number to call at the DMV HQ in Sacramento for the ‘verification department’. However, this number would just ring… and ring… and ring until I got sick of it. I have now taken to writing letters to the inquiries department. The first was sent at the end of January (no reply) and the second sent this last week. From now on I am going to write to them every week. Hopefully somebody somewhere in the bowels of the DMV will get sick of my constant whining and do something about it.

Then again, this is the DMV we’re talking about…

Having hung around with some genuine Americans over the past few years, and now living here myself, I had realised the error of my ways. I tutted at my narrow-minded attitudes and tried my hardest to embrace this country of diversity and opportunity.

Until now.

With the recent healthcare reform debate I have been gobsmacked by the vicious and spiteful mean spirited attitudes of some sections of the population. Sure, we all expect politicians to be self-seeking selfish assholes. However, Republicans have really taken the biscuit with their outright refusal to support healthcare reform. They’re bad enough, but some of the protests by out and out whacko nutjobs has been disturbing to say the least.

On the tv are images of people screaming at sick people, spitting on politicians and waving banners proclaiming Barack Obama is Hitler or Stalin, or both. Are you people for real?

Even if President Obama were socialist – and let me reassure you he is in no way a socialist – it’s not a dirty word. There are socialist governments in Europe and socialist institutions like the NHS in the UK. They are not evil.

Besides, there are already socialised services in the USA like the public education system, fire and police departments. For a society to function it is beneficial for us as people to get together to provide collective support for things that would be too expensive to provide on an individual basis. We can’t all afford to have a police car sitting outside our houses 24/7, can we?

We need a reality check in this modern world. We can’t all live in a cabin up a mountain, chopping our own firewood and hunting rabbits. No, these days we are all dependent on each other to a greater or lesser extent. We need co-operation and collective government to make modern life happen. Healthcare is one part of this. He who disagrees must carve his own pencils.

Back to the nutjobs though. Sure, we have narrow-minded, ignorant arseholes in the UK, but they are nothing compared to the weirdos here. It seems that certain sections of the population take great delight in exercising their right of freedom of expression to try and suppress and take away other people’s very same rights. This is all done without a hint of irony.

This is embarrassing to watch for an outsider, and makes me seriously doubt whether moving here was a good idea.

I suppose it was a bonus that we get on so well, with him also being an immigrant like me. He hails from that fine Antipodean country of Australia so although we’re from opposite sides of the planet we have a lot in common (Y’know, from our dark imperialist past!).

So, if you’re looking to buy or sell real estate in Orange County, give Glenn Ritchie a shout and tell them that I sent you. He’ll sort you out for sure.

Anyway, long story bearable, after a hopeless shaky start I started to get my balance and began to realize that I could actually snowboard (a bit). I still have lots of practice to do but can stand up and get down the slope in one piece.

It’s just a shame I have discovered this great fun activity toward end of the season as I really enjoyed it and can’t wait to get better at it. Still, there’s been plenty of snow this winter so hopefully the mountain will be open for a few weeks yet. They’re talking the middle of April which, if true, will be cool.

I couldn’t help noticing though that Rick and I were the oldest snowboarders in town. The best part though was enjoying the ice and mountains, then home for a cold beer on the patio in the sun. Yep, can’t beat California.

Aside from the obvious difference in weather, a couple of things stuck out during my visit.

Smoke

Of course people smoke here in California, but it is known for a relatively low rate. Soon after my arrival in the UK, one of the first things I noticed was the smell of smoke as everyone who smokes has to do so outdoors since the smoking ban. There’s been an indoor smoking ban in California for years, but I hardly notice the smell as I walk down the street.

Shops

I found it quite pleasant that I could enter most shops and not have to exchange pleasantries with the store employees or fend them off as they asked if I “need help with anything”.

Beer

I never thought I’d say this but I was missing my American bottled IPAs! I only had a couple of pints in the UK, but was yearning for a drop of the good stuff.

Trash

There is trash in the streets of California but it’s nothing compared to that in the UK. The grass verges and gutters are full of fast food wrappers, cans and bottles.

Weather

Ok, I will mention the weather. It was cold and wet in the UK. To be expected in February of course, but the day before I flew out form the USA, it was in high 20s °C. It was just taunting me before leaving on that jet plane…

Valentine’s day looms and it seems the country has gone into overdrive when it comes to expressing ‘love’ in its many forms.

I can’t believe how everyone has gone card crazy. Jenn has been sending and receiving cards all week from and to – including but not limited to – mothers, sisters, grandparents and friends.

What’s that all about? Sorry, but I think it’s a bit weird. This one is definitely a cultural difference! As far as I’m concerned, there are only two types of person you send a Valentine’s card to: 1. your significant other; or 2. Someone you’d like to be your significant other. That’s it. Anything else is just creepy.

Then again, if you can convince people to send cards to pretty much everyone, just think how many cards you can sell. Call me cynical if you like.

This time, however, it’s just how I imagined it would be after we moved out here; i.e. the sun is shining, the food is good, the beer is flowing and it’s NOT THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! Well, I suppose you’d guessed that because the sun’s shining, right?

My point is that this is my first Superbowl on US tv with all that entails – the pre-match hype and perhaps the most important thing: the commercials.

These 30 second nuggets of goodness are legendary and big budget. They have to be because it costs the equivalent of the debt of a small third world country to air them.

Jenn tells me that the commercials are also analysed afterward on certain channels! Crazy stuff. You’re supposed to go to the bathroom or kitchen during the game itself so you don’t miss the ads. In the age of PVR’s this must be every advertisers wet dream.

Plus The Who will be rocking the half-time show. Bring it on!

Being the proactive responsible types we’ve, er, ignored it until now. After all, it wasn’t that strong a smell. However, yesterday a neighbour passed by and commented that he noticed a fairly strong gas smell coming from our meter cover at the side of the roadway.

No longer in denial, Jenn grasped the nettle and called the imaginatively titled “The Gas Company” (no, really) this morning. They said someone would swing by sometime today.

Sure enough, a chap in a nice white truck called and it didn’t take him long to diagnose the problem – the pipe coming from our gas meter was corroded and leaking. Because it was our side of the meter, it was – you guessed it – our responsibility to get fixed. Bugger.

Ok, not the end of the world. These houses are fairly old and eventually things wear out and need replacing. No, the trouble was that now that the gas company knows that there’s a leak, they can’t just leave it. No, they had to turn it off. At 3pm on a Friday afternoon. Ooops.

As the gas man left he pointed out it wasn’t the best day to call them and that Monday mornings are a better time – you have the whole week to get it fixed at non-weekend rates.

So, no hot water and no heating or hob-cooking for a few days. It could have been worse – he said people call them out to check leaks on Christmas Eve and are then left with raw turkey the next day.

If you find the info useful (or not), please share your experiences in the comments below. Good luck, test-takers!

Today has seen yet another milestone in my California adventure – namely my behind the wheel driving test.

As I have been fortunate enough to drive alone while I practice (due to my holding a UK licence), I have had plenty of opportunity to get out there on the mean streets of Fullerton. Also, a car and freedom allowed me to unashamedly stake out and stalk the DMV examiners over the past couple of weeks. I will do anything to get an edge and know no shame. In fact I became so familiar with the Fullerton DMV test route I actually knew it better than my examiner on the test day.

I’ll admit I was nervous about taking the test – I had the test mentality that one develops while learning to drive in the UK (i.e. it’s very thorough). However, due to my stalking and practice practice practice, I got through it in one piece and with only two minor errors (one of which I feel was NOT an error – clearly I was being more observant than my examiner).

Anyhoo, to reassure any Californians doing the Fullerton DMV test, let me tell you it is actually easy compared to the UK. I hear they’ve made it ‘tough’ recently and everyone’s whining about how hard it is. Well, sorry to upset you but it’s not. It was over in about 15 minutes and involved driving around mostly quiet residential streets. I had to reverse along the curb a bit, which was the extent of anything that could be remotely described as ‘difficult’.

In the UK your test would be at least twice as long and you have a number of maneuvers to undertake, which may include: parallel parking, reversing around a corner, change in direction (using forward and reverse gears), and emergency stop (no skidding). Also, each test centre has a variety of test routes, not just the one like I experienced at the DMV in Fullerton. You see, if you have only one test route, sly scamps like me easily work it out and ace the test. Duh.

So, here it is for all you wannabe drivers. Fullerton DMV test route:

• Leave DMV by turning right on to Valencia
• Cross over Euclid, continue on Valencia
• Left on to Basque
• Left on to Ash (this is where I had to pull-over and reverse along the curb. Alternatively it may be on Oak)
• Right on to Lee
• Right on to Oak
• Right on to Basque
• Left on to West
• Over Eadington
• Left on to Pacific
• Left on to Oak
• Over Eadington
• Right on to Basque
• Over Orangethorpe
• Right on to Woodcrest
• Right on to Eadington
• Right on to Orangethorpe (this is where I had to perform a lane change)
• Left on to Euclid
• Right on to Valencia
• Left into DMV

There you go, piece of cake. For those of you concerned that it is harder to pass at Fullerton DMV than other offices, I will say that if you can drive and have practiced until you are sick of driving around those streets, then you will pass. It may well be harder, but it’s still a lot easier than other countries.

Believe me, a lot of stupid people drive in the UK and they passed the ‘tough’ test. If they can do it, you can pass California’s. Anyway, if you can’t pass at Fullerton or another California DMV, you shouldn’t be driving, right?